“That’s Just The Way It Is” – Dealing with Abuse at Work

For the last four years, I worked at a furniture dealer company as an interior designer. My job consisted of going to client meetings to discuss their needs for their office furniture; providing drawings, renderings, and specifications for their proposed spaces; and then finishing out with seeing the project install. I loved my job, loved my clients, and loved my coworkers (most of them). But I hated the company I worked for. It got to a point where I could no longer tolerate the abuse I was experiencing.

How the Abuse Began

It started with superiors scolding me for a few small things here and there. I wore tights with cats on them, which they considered “unprofessional.”

I left five minutes early to catch the earlier train home, where the rule stated I needed to stay in my seat from 8:30 AM to 5:00 PM on the dot.

While I completely understand that I needed to comply with my employer’s policies, I couldn’t help but question, “Is this how a company should be operating in today’s society?” I was a hardworking and diligent employee. I came in early every day, worked through lunch every day, never missed a deadline, etc. In that case, why scold me for such minor offenses but not praise me for going above and beyond in satisfying my clients and enhancing their experiences during the design process?

Speaking Up About Abuse

I never drank the Kool-Aid, so I was very clear-minded when things started to get really questionable. On multiple occasions, colleagues verbally assaulted and harassed me. While already shaken up by the incidents alone, I was really floored when asked, “What did you do to make him yell at you?”

Or “Well, you had that conversation over the phone, so there’s no proof that she talked to you like that.”

I approached management and HR on multiple occasions to let them know that the way people continuously treated me made me feel uncomfortable in my work environment. It was distracting me from what I was there to do, work. I’m a “stick it to the man” kind of girl, so whenever they scolded me for things that seemed very trivial to me, I spoke up. I would ask the question, “why?”

How do people, companies, relationships grow and change for the better if they’re not questioned. More people need to ask, “Why are you doing things that way?”

The Final Straw

There was a time when I had a bad cold. Considering that I only had five sick days available to me, I decided that it would be best to work from home. That way I met my deadlines, not come in and get anyone else sick, and not use up any of my precious sick days.

This didn’t sit well with my employer. When I came back into the office, still coughing and hacking, they once again pulled into a private office and scolded for “working from home when sick.” You better believe I fought them on this one. I questioned their logic, and in response, they told me, “That’s just the way it is.”

In my head, I concluded: Fuck this.

Leaving an Abusive Job

Abuse comes in all forms, and it absolutely can be demonstrated by your employer. There are subtle ways that they can exhibit this to you and self-evident ways. You just read some examples demonstrated above but if other things don’t seem right to you, ask questions. Ask friends, family, people on the internet; I don’t care who, just ask questions. Never take “That’s just the way it is” for an answer. In 2019 there are better employers out there that would rather lift you up than tear you down.

I attempted to be the change that I wanted to see, but they didn’t want to change their ways because it was working for them at the end of the day. They will continue to profit by abusing, overworking, underpaying, and under-appreciating the people who help keep the company alive. That was the end of the road for me there. I took the next opportunity presented to me, and I ran with it. Finding a new job was horrifying and challenging because of the abuse I suffered from. I felt guilty and disloyalty, but I knew that I needed to leave that place.

With that in mind, I persevered. Because of it, I landed myself a new job, doing the exact same thing but for a different (better) company. When I share my past experiences with my new coworkers, I often hear, “That’s not the way it is here,” which is so rewarding and satisfying.

Steps to Take When Dealing with Abuse at Work

Life is too short to spend eight-plus hours a day at a job where you are unhappy and suffocated creatively, financially, and humanly. If you find yourself questioning how your job handles things and operates, how they treat employees, and if you’re living your best life, then it’s time to take control. Stick it to the man, be the change you want to see and get the fuck out.

Document and Speak Up!

There are a couple of things one can do when experiencing abuse in some form at work. For one, always document the incident. This includes the time, date, place, and what you and the other person said. Two, confront your supervisor or manager if you experience abuse; if they don’t take it seriously or are the person who’s abusing you, go to the person above them and/or talk to human resources. That is, if you trust your company’s HR department. Unfortunately, as we’ve seen occur frequently, human resources doesn’t always actually address the issue, and sometimes even escalates it in a way that further harms the employee experiencing the abuse.

At that point, one of the next steps is to seek legal help either from a layer or from an organization that works in addressing abuse on the job.

Help for Specific Types of Abuse

If you’ve experienced abuse or harassment at work relating to certain criteria, you might even be able to contact the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). They are responsible for enforcing federal laws that make it illegal to discriminate against a job applicant or an employee because of the person’s race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, transgender status, and sexual orientation), national origin, age (40 or older), disability or genetic information.

In particular, if you’ve raised a concern and your employer hasn’t acted appropriately to address the issue, they’re liable to be investigated by the EEOC. The EEOC may even sue the company in court for workplace discrimination.

Do What’s Best For You

Outside of these steps to take, sometimes the best and (unfortunately) only thing one can do is to leave their job. If you choose this route, try to find a new job before quitting. Or, if you’re in a state that allows for people to claim unemployment by providing evidence of an abusive workplace, take advantage of that while you search for a new job.

Whatever the situation is, do what is best for you and your mental health, and your safety.