Military Members During the Holidays
During the holidays, friends and family come together to celebrate. They bake cookies and other treats, decorate their Christmas trees, and share joy, laughter, and time. Sadly, many military members tend to miss out on this togetherness with their families during the holidays.
People hold many different opinions about the military; most tend to either heavily support it or strongly dislike it. Regardless, we can all agree that no one deserves to miss out on time with their loved ones. Unfortunately, that’s the reality for our service members.
With many friends and family in the military, I had the opportunity to speak to a few. They shared their experiences and how missing out on holidays with loved ones feels.
Sergeant Jonathan Shortsowles
I first spoke with Sgt. Jonathan Shortsowles of the United States Marine Corps. Although the military never “denied” him leave before, there’ve been occasions where he can’t visit family during the holidays due to living too far away or staying behind to cover the short-staffed workload.
“It’s rather discouraging when you cannot visit home for the holidays, especially if you’re a family man/woman. All of the military branches honor the popular holidays, typically broken down by a 72- or 96-hour liberty period where [they] can travel and spend time with their families,” Shortsowles said. “However, not every service member is granted that period of liberty, especially if he/she is in a critical occupational specialty that requires them to be present in the workplace.”
Shortsowles recognizes that not seeing his loved ones during holidays is understandably challenging, but he knows that this is one of the challenges of being in the military.
“Although it’s discouraging for many not to be able to travel home during the holidays, my personal stance is that I know what I signed up for,” he said. “I’m proud to serve, and I understand that I won’t always have the chance to make it home.”
Staff Sergeant Dooley Gegen
After speaking to SSgt Dooley Gegen of the Air Force National Guard, he talked about missing holidays with friends and family during his six years of service. Although it’s tough, he appreciates how his coworkers make the holidays less lonely.
“Being in the National Guard, I’ve worked with the same military coworkers my whole career, and so they too are, in fact, family. We find ways to make it fun for each other and still find time to celebrate when the mission is over,” Gegen said. He added that knowing that he’s there for important reasons helps make working the holidays a little easier. “Though I want to be home with my family, there is comfort in knowing that what I am doing instead is meaningful for the safety and security of my community.”
Gegen shares that when he can see his family, he spends as much time as possible with them to make up for missing the holidays or other important events. It helps Gegen feel not so far from them when he ultimately has to go back to work.
He also shared that creating camaraderie with your coworkers helps make the time go by faster and more fun since they all share a common goal of working through the holidays together.
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Captain Michael Kearney
Capt. Michael Kearney of the US Air Force is familiar with the hardships of being away from family and friends during the holidays and important events. Raised in a military family, he understands the struggles of military life.
“My father also serves, so when I was at the Air Force Academy, they were stationed in Hawaii, so I only got to see them for Christmas, New Years, and the three-week summer period they gave us,” Kearney said. “When I commissioned, they got stationed in Korea. I didn’t spend any holidays with them for three years.”
Kearney expressed that the loss of time spent with family makes him feel detached and explained how he missed many milestones for his siblings. He saw them become different people and ultimately wasn’t there to witness those changes. Growing up in this lifestyle, he’s a bit numb to it. But it has affected his relationship with his family.
“I’ve become so accustomed to not having them around that I don’t communicate with them as often as I should. Part of it is probably that I was raised a family man, and talking to them on a regular basis might make me miss them more, so it’s easier just to avoid regular communication altogether so I don’t have to think about it,” Kearney said. “It’s not really something I’ve really thought deeply about because it’s been my reality for so long; it’s like putting on your pants every morning. It’s just something you do absent-mindedly.”
Kearney recommends to those in the same boat to ‘Find your normal’ and create a ritual to help you cope when you’re unable to see family and friends. It can be hard not to see your family physically, but carving out time to phone them or Facetime them can help.
How to Support Military Members in Your Community During the Holidays
Overall, our military members sacrifice a lot by missing holidays, graduations, and significant life events. It’s unfortunate, but they all understand this is what they’ve signed up for. In turn, they find ways to create memories with their family at home and their found family in the service.
No matter your stance on the military, I think we can all empathize with how people in the military sometimes can’t see their families.
If you’re in a position to help, consider sponsoring a meal for a military member or their family, “adopting” a member for the holiday, or inviting them over during the holidays so they don’t feel alone.
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