Balancing the Love You Give and Receive
They say once you learn to love yourself, you’ll be able to love others in full. I agree 100%. However, you can love others without completely loving yourself. It’s relatively easy.
But I’ve come to a point in my life where I realize that you will never, and I mean never, be able to make everyone happy all at once. No matter how hard you try. Like many, I tend to put other people before myself because I care and love everyone else so much, and it can become a problem. There’s only a problem if, one, you love others more than you love yourself, and, two, if you’re pouring into other people more than they’re pouring into you.
For example, say you help a friend out, and you are constantly giving them advice and are always there for them – you are pouring into them. But on the other hand, they are never really there for you, or maybe they’re only there for you when they choose to be – your friend is not pouring into you equally.
To maintain a healthy relationship with anyone, make sure you both are pouring into each other equally. Otherwise, the relationship will become exhausting. If you pour into someone more than they pour into you, you can lose yourself and become unhappy.
I was once told, “One of your best traits is that you love and care for people so deeply it’s indescribable – but you will soon find out that it can ruin you too.” I will never forget hearing this because I know it is true; because I tend to pour into others more than they pour into me. It becomes a problem because even if someone hurts me, I’ll still try to be understanding and calm and tend to allow that person to stay in my life.
I know there are many people out in the world like this, too, and these tendencies can become a disadvantage because once you allow these things to happen, you are putting yourself in danger. You soon will become both emotionally and physically drained, and that feeling is something I would never wish upon another soul.
Setting Boundaries
Find a balance between loving yourself and loving others. Take days to yourself and remind yourself of all the good things you do and feel. Make affirmations and writing down daily goals a priority on your everyday list.
Sometimes the smallest things create the biggest impacts in life. Breathe. Do things that make you happy and if you forgot what makes you happy, find out what makes your soul light up. Spend days with the people you love, and don’t be afraid to cut out the negative ones in your life – they hold you down.
I get that there is something about loving the broken, the lost, the scared. There is something within those people that we love. We can see the good in them. We also see their vulnerability, sadness, and hurt; their hope, hearts, and love. Many understand them. But saying, “…there is something about loving the broken…” is exactly like saying there is something about loving every single person on earth – because we are all broken.
The only thing that separates our brokenness from one another is how we allow the things that break us to affect our actions and emotions. We all fight battles both big and small, whether these battles are between yourself or other people. I am slowly learning that no matter the size of your struggle, you can overcome it. Just don’t let it overcome you.
Remember that time heals all wounds, that life is supposed to be challenging, that you should never give up when times get hard, that you should never keep things bottled up inside of you, that you are loved, and that you will get through this.
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Never Let Your Flame Go Out
We’re not on this earth to continuously fix others while remaining broken ourselves. We weren’t born to be coldhearted people – we were born to love and help one another, to find that burning passion in our hearts for life – for love. We will get hurt, be scared, get lost, and struggle. But we’ll also have moments where we become happy, grateful, excited, and feel emotions we have never felt before.
Don’t let your brokenness, battles, other people, or yourself get in the way of that fire and passion in your heart. Never sell yourself short. It’s okay to get hurt – that’s life; don’t let that stop you from loving.
It’s okay to be scared – don’t let that stop you from trying. Love with all you have but remember to love yourself too. Be passionate, adventurous, crazy, but most of all, NEVER allow that beautiful light in you to die out. If it does, rekindle it.
I promise you no matter how much it may seem like it has faded, it’s always there. Don’t put yourself down; build yourself up. Allow yourself to feel everything, both good and bad, and face everything head-on.
Remember who you are and who you want to be, and don’t let other peoples’ opinions affect the way you feel about yourself. I promise you that you will become stronger, learn from everything, and be okay. Everything and everyone in your life is both a blessing and a lesson.
Pick up your broken pieces and shape them back together. Indeed, the goal in life is not only to love yourself but to find yourself. Once you do, loving others to the fullest extent comes naturally.
“Then these are my last words to you. Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”
William James
Read more about Calliana’s journey to understand love and overcome her fear of it in her previous article, ‘What Am I Afraid Of?’.
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