Neurodivergent Writing
Recently, as I’ve become more mindful of my neurodivergence, I’ve also become more mindful of my writing. It’s a fun, challenging journey, learning to write better while dealing with this brain of mine that I’m developing a better understanding of. I am constantly learning and improving my skills, both with writing and with managing my brain and behaviors.
Juggling conditions like ADHD, depression, and anxiety while managing a publication and developing content are daily balancing acts. I’m usually working on one of many articles or other projects, plus other responsibilities and obligations. Some days I’m like the Energizer Bunny, and other days I feel like a sloth.
When writing, I must be mindful of how my brain works so I work with myself instead of against myself. I must set realistic goals, flexible enough to adjust as needed, adapting day-to-day. If one day I feel full of energy and focus, I utilize that to the best of my ability. If it’s a low-energy day, I’ll rest and try to work on something else, even if it’s not writing. Rest days often become a cleaning and self-care day, so they’re important.
Most days, though, I work a lot, whether on content production, website management, correspondence, or social media marketing. And other days, I have to throw in running errands, helping my mom out, or completing other tasks.
Writing with ADHD
The condition that I think affects me the most is ADHD. This manifests itself in the form of executive dysfunction, forgetfulness, object permanence, time blindness, and my brain interrupting my own thoughts. Sometimes I lack focus, and sometimes I hyper-fixate.
I generally sit on anywhere from five to ten local stories in various stages of completion and a couple of articles about more generalized topics. There’s also a never-ending list of other topics and ideas I’ve thought of writing about. Not to mention poetry ideas, comic ideas, and a story I’ve been writing in my head for about three years now, only barely getting it written out and characters planned.
I have at least seven or more tabs open to various drafts I’m writing on any given day. My computer screen would induce anxiety in some people. I know this because I’ve heard it multiple times. No matter how hard I try, though, I always end up with numerous tabs open. Most of them are Google docs, source materials, Canva projects, and pages for the website. And, admittedly, two separate windows on my second screen with Neopets up, so I can feed Kadoaties while I work. (If ya’ know, ya’ know).
My problem is that if I don’t have something visibly in front of me, my brain will forget it. If I think of a new idea for an article or something I want to amend on another, I open a new tab. If I remember something to check or do, I’ll stop what I’m working on to focus on the other things before I forget.
The problem then involves one – getting back to what I was originally working on; two – remembering to revisit that new idea in a reasonable timeframe; and three – not letting any work or projects fall behind in the process.
Some days I’m good about managing this and will remember to write down what I need to do or thought of instead of interrupting my work. On the days I’m bad, I end up with 40 tabs of things I wish I could work on simultaneously. If I could stop time or clone myself, I could get so much done!
A Mountain of Ideas
Really the issue is that I have a habit of piling way too much on my plate. At one point, I worked two jobs, went to school full-time, and built this website while doing everything else I had to do. I’m almost always working on something, and there are so many lists of project ideas I’ve thought of. I can envision so clearly sometimes the finished product of something; a painting, a sticker design, a comic, an event or workshop, and whatever else comes to mind. Yet, I can’t envision how to get to that finished point.
I have so much inspiration for things sometimes, yet I lack the energy or ability to act on these ideas and make them real. I’ve told myself for years now that I’m going to take all the screenshots I’ve saved and make a meme scrapbook. I haven’t even sorted the pictures out for that yet.
To be honest, I’m surprised to this day that I accomplished this much with this publication so far. I consider it an accomplishment in and of itself simply because it’s an idea I came up with that I followed through on. It wasn’t just a hyper fixation that I got bored of after a few weeks or months. While it’s not close to what I actually envisioned it as – an active community platform – I’ve still created something meaningful as I work towards my ultimate goal for it. I’m proud of myself for doing as much as I have so far. Rarely in my life have I actually taken something out of my brain and make it exist in the real world.
As both a “blessing and a curse” situation, I think of millions of ideas, yet barely hold onto any of them. I have countless pages and notes of ideas for content, designs, artwork, organizations I want to write an article about; you name it. I’ve probably actually completed less than 5% of the ideas I’ve come up with. And that’s honestly a generous estimate. It’s probably more like 1%.
I sometimes jokingly call myself a muse. But more like Salma Hayek in the movie ‘Dogma’ muse; where she has the power to provide inspiration to others but can’t keep any for herself.
Balancing My Brain With My Writing
Managing my focus and fighting distractions while writing challenges me greatly. Especially with how quickly my brain moves. Because I hyper-focus on things, I’ll sometimes work for hours on an article, letting words flow out of me faster than I can type them, and then forget about that piece for weeks. I could work on a painting for hours and then not touch it again for two years. The energy for certain things hits me so strongly sometimes and leaves as quickly as it arrived; no telling when it might return.
This becomes an issue when I write about something I feel very passionate about at the moment, like something outrageous or upsetting happening in the world, and then never returning to it in a reasonable amount of time for it to still be relevant enough to post. Many an article has gone to the document graveyard because of this.
I’ll try to get tabs closed down, so there’s not as many, but by the time I complete what I’m working on in those, I already have five more up.
On top of this, my writing style mirrors my speaking style to a degree – I talk in tangents if I’m not mindful of staying on track. A piece I start writing that I don’t intend to be so long, ends up spanning several pages. And trying to edit out things is hard because I see how everything connected in my brain, but the question is: do my readers?
A Middle Ground For Myself
I’ve found a happy medium of sorts. When I write journalistic content, covering local businesses and organizations, I’m better at keeping things short. It’s easier when I’m writing about what someone I interviewed told me. I don’t need to embellish anything or overexplain. I just tell their story.
Now, I save the tangents and embellishment for when I write pieces for editorial/commentary purposes or otherwise share my own experiences. Those articles come straight from my brain – a product of all the pathways taken to write it out. I also see the interconnectedness of so many things, so when I write, those connections appear sometimes.
Still, I always try to go back over those pieces and remove redundancies. But when you’re entirely responsible for your own content, including the editing process, things get overlooked easily. Or I get married to my words and have a hard time “divorcing” them, as it were. When you read your own writing multiple times, you don’t always look at it objectively. Or you look at it too much and start overthinking it. Sometimes I ask myself if I’m writing for others or writing for me.
I think it’s both. I feel compelled to write about the things I care about and share my thoughts and feelings about the subject. But I also hope I don’t lose readers along the way because I wrote too many words to say something simple. Maybe things aren’t that simple in my brain or even in the real world. The best I hope for is that I write my perspective in a cohesive manner that’s easy to read and flows smoothly. It’s hard when you don’t get a lot of feedback. But when I have gotten it, it’s helped my writing tremendously.
Another thing that helps is my Grammarly subscription. It catches most of the mistakes I tend to overlook, helps me write in an active voice, and removes redundancies. I still have to be on top of myself in other areas, but it takes some of the stress off.
Having a notepad within reach also helps by letting me write down ideas and other things I want to remember without losing focus.
And giving myself intermittent breaks to eat, sit outside, or do something else helps me not get burnt out from hyper-fixating.
It’s tools like this that help me to succeed. And making appropriate accommodations for myself helps me stay more on top of myself in return.
Continuing Down the Path of Self-Improvement
Coming to terms with having ADHD and understanding neurodivergency helps me make better choices to become a better version of myself. I’m better at catching myself and being aware of how my brain works on a daily basis and over time. I finally understand my wiring better, so I’m equipped to know how to react to different “switches” turning on or off in my brain. I’m even learning how to flip some of those myself.
Overall, this leads to improvements in my writing, communication, relationships, mental health, and pretty much every other aspect of my life. I have a long road to walk down, but I feel like I’m finally on the right path.
I can’t control how my brain works. But, I can control how I respond to myself, so I am more mindful of my actions and behavior. I alone am responsible for me; no one else is. Having ADHD isn’t something to be fixed; it’s something to accommodate.
“And there’s a million things I haven’t done;
‘Alexander Hamilton’ – Lin Manuel Miranda
But just you wait, just you wait.”
