Marriage as Both a Destination and New Beginning
Many things might come to mind when discussing the topic of marriage. A rosy wedding banquet by the beach. Kids running around in the house. Spending the rest of your life with someone you genuinely love and adore. Even, perhaps, having continuous arguments on who is responsible for household chores.
According to Pew Research Center, most people say that married couples generally find it easier to achieve specific goals. On the other hand, some people find it acceptable for an unmarried couple to live together, even if they don’t plan to say their vows. Views on marriage vary based on religious beliefs, societal changes, personal backgrounds, and political standpoints. And after speaking to three married couples, it’s clear how marriage is both a destination and a relationship milestone, as much as it is the beginning of a whole new journey together.
“Two Minds Become One”
Juno and Ella Lee, who just got married a year ago, said that marriage was life-changing yet life-fulfilling. Knowing each other since high school, they never thought that they would become husband and wife one day.
“We’re so different. She is a typical extrovert, but I am an innate introvert. She likes going out [and] meeting new friends, but my favorite thing to do is staying at home,” Juno said. “The spark between us exactly comes from how different we are, [and] at the same time, how united we can be.”
When asked how they knew they both found “the one,” Ella Lee said confidently, “Although Juno and I think so differently, he always listens to me, never objects to my feelings, and knows what’s inside my mind even though I do not say a word.”
After graduating from high school, Juno and Ella kept in close contact. They accompanied each other through ups and downs, stood by each other’s side, and supported each other’s decisions. “I know he’s the one. When I look back on my life, Juno has always been a huge part of it. He’s my guardian angel,” Ella said with a warm smile. When asked the greatest lesson derived from marriage, Juno and Ella said instantaneously, “Two minds become one.”
It’s never easy to accept each other’s flaws, weaknesses, and dark sides. However, marriage means that two individuals join together and become a combination of the best and the worst of themselves. This means that you must embrace the inner part of your partner.
“Although she’s annoying and stubborn,” Juno said, looking at Ella, “I still love her the way she is.” No matter how messy, emotional, or complex they are, it’s your responsibility to love your partner and find ways to understand them.
Nothing Like a Fairytale
Married for 30 years, Carlos and Tess Hall described their marriage in one sentence: “Being married is nothing like a fairytale, nor a romantic movie; it’s like an action movie, with you and your partner fighting against the whole world together.”
Carlos and Tess met in college, where they immediately became classic partners in crime. “We used to go on road trips a lot. Our honeymoon was going on a road trip from California to Washington,” Tess said.
Reminiscing about those days 30 years ago, she added that it was the best trip ever. “After Carlos was diagnosed with cancer, going on a road trip is something like mission impossible.”
Soon after their honeymoon, Carlos received a diagnosis of stage-one lung cancer. All of their visions of marriage turned into days in the hospital, rounds of chemo and medications, and countless sleepless nights weeping beside each other.
“We didn’t have any support from our parents as they lived far from us. The only thing we have is each other,” Carlos said. “Tess has spent her whole life taking care of me. I can’t imagine how my life would be without her.”
Tess works two jobs each day to afford Carlos’ medical expenses: one job in the morning as an elementary school teacher and one after work as a personal secretary at an insurance company. “Thank God that Carlos has been recovering the past few years. He’s now completed all of his chemo sessions, and the cancer is under control.” Tess said.
The Hall’s friends and family are amazed by how they keep fighting against cancer and all the difficulties they’ve endured together. When asked the secret of maintaining their marriage, Carlos held Tess’s hands tightly and said, “Love is the most powerful thing in the world. We both love each other so much that we are willing to sacrifice everything for each other. All the depictions in movies about the fantasy of marriage are surreal. The only thing that matters in marriage is love.”
(Article continues after ad)
Sponsored Ad
A Wonderful Journey of Transcending Boundaries
Alyssa and Shannon Anderson, who tied the knot three years ago, experienced unique challenges as a same-sex couple. When they decided to get married, they both craved the support of their families. “Shannon wanted her sister and nieces to be part of our wedding party, and I wanted my youngest brother,” Alyssa replied with sadness. “Due to religious reasons, they were not supportive and declined to be part of our wedding party. This hit the hardest of all.”
Being turned down by family members was only one of the hardships they encountered during the preparation of the wedding. Planning the wedding was not easy for the couple as they decided to hold the wedding in Indiana, a very conservative state.
“We were working with a tight budget; most of the smaller venue spaces we could afford were not supportive of same-sex weddings,” Alyssa said. “In fact, we found out later that the owner of the venue we did utilize was not thrilled that his event person booked us. We were their first and last same-sex wedding.”
Although planning the wedding struck them with frustration and disappointment, marriage still brought them many joyful and unforgettable moments. When asked about their favorite thing about marriage, Shannon said that Alyssa is her adventure partner. “We can make an event out of a short road trip,” she explained. “It’s incredible to have someone in your life to adventure with. We had that when we started dating, and it’s continued into our marriage.”
Being a same-sex married couple isn’t any different than a heterosexual couple. The bond between Alyssa and Shannon is so strong and intimate that nothing can stop them from loving each other.
“There are so many things I love about Shannon. I mean, of course, she is so incredibly smart and funny, but [if] I have to pick something that always awes me, that would be her ambition and wanderlust,” Alyssa said. “She just has this magnetic energy in everything she does. She’s always looking for ways to be better, trying new things, and going to new places.”
Trying to appreciate your partner is often easier said than done. However, Shannon and Alyssa are great examples of how to give sincere compliments to your beloved. Showing appreciation to your partner is one of the most important ways to maintain an intimate relationship, and ultimately, a successful marriage.
Marriage: A Family That You Choose
There are people we consider family that are relatives simply by blood, and then there’s the family we find along the way. While we don’t have a say in who we’re related to, we do get to choose who we marry. And that person we select as our partner is who we get to build a family with. Spending a lifetime with the one you love is an invaluable experience that few things in life can compare to. Marriage is a lifelong lesson on giving, understanding, holding onto, and loving unconditionally.
