How do I know that you love me?
Your smile. You have the most warm, genuine smile that I feel so blessed to be gifted with every day. Your smile warms me up and brings me joy, and still makes my heart flutter. It makes me swoon even more when I get to see the dimple that appears on your cheek when you smile.
Your laugh. Whenever you laugh, it fills my heart with joy, and I feel lucky to hear such a sound. Your delight is my happiness.
The touch of your hands. Your gentleness makes me feel warm and secure. It strengthens our bond and connection with each other. You know my body well; where I hurt at the end of a long day at work, how to make me feel good, and when something has changed that I haven’t noticed – like pointing out a spot I didn’t know I had.
The twinkle in your eye. You think your eyes are dull or ugly, but I think they’re beautiful, captivating, mesmerizing. When I look into your eyes, I see the kindness of your heart; I see your passions; and I see the intensity of your love within their depths.
Your kisses. Whether it’s upon my lips or on my forehead, the touch of your lips on me makes me amazing and ecstatic. They are sweet and kind and gentle; deliberate, passionate, and given generously. After not seeing each other all day, your kisses are something I look forward to the most.
Your embrace. When you hold me in your arms, whether with a hug or cuddling, you make me feel safe and secure. The warmth of your body and the calmness that it brings me have been a comfort in tough times, as well as a relief to daily stress. Snuggling into your arms at night before bed is simply the best feeling.
Your patience. Despite the fact that we both have our moments of irrational response or irritability, your overall abounding patience with me never ceases to amaze and humble me. Even though you let me know that I’m slacking on something, whether it’s keeping my things clean and organized, or I’m allowing myself to be distracted, you still understand that it sometimes takes time for me to act on things, or that I put thing off because that’s the type of person I am. You keep me in check, but in a way that doesn’t rush me or make me feel forced. You help me want to be more self-sufficient, be more productive. And when I’m going through a period of depression, you are there for me however you can be, and give me all the time I need to find the words that explain how I feel, and all the time to heal from what is triggering my mental health decline.
The way you respect me. Even if we don’t agree on things, or see things differently, you respect my opinions and positions, and you consider my emotions and where I stand on things. And even though you joke around and playfully tease me about things, at the heart of everything I know it’s in good fun, and I know that you appreciate and respect the way I feel about things. Even if you don’t understand something, you respect me enough to ask me to explain it better, to communicate more effectively if we’re having a misunderstanding. If you didn’t respect me, you wouldn’t care to understand where we’re misinterpreting something. If you didn’t respect me, you wouldn’t listen to what I have to say, it would only matter what you think. You value my opinion, and have enough respect for me to call me out on my bullshit. And since I know it’s not a personal attack, I can respect what you have to say, and accept when I’m wrong because I hadn’t considered some perspective.
The way you accept me. No matter how weird I am, crazy I get, or unusual as a person I can be, you still love me, and love me more each and everyday. All my quirks, my transgressions, everything; you welcome it. I am your person and you are happy to have me. I know this because you ask me how you could be so lucky to have me in your life, when I am always at a loss for how purely lucky I am to have you; to have you love me for me, to have you love me for everything that I am and everything that comes with me – the good and the bad. Even the things that clearly bug or annoy you on occasion, such as my messiness, my distractedness, or my foolishness, you take with everything else you see in me. And you help me grow when you let me know that something I do, something that I’m not aware of, is something that needs to be addressed in time. If you didn’t accept me, we wouldn’t have made it this far. Of that I’m certain. I’ve been deserted by people because they couldn’t handle me, or didn’t want to put up with me. I know you care because you’re still here, and because you’ve been through it all.
The way you support me. No matter what, over the years you’ve never given up on me, just as I will never give up on you. You are always there for me, always have my back, are always at my side. You do everything in your power to help me, to make me happy, to make sure that I’m okay. You’ve learned the signals that I give off when my mental health is slipping again, and sometimes notice them before I notice myself. You can detect when there is a change in my well being and don’t hesitate to check on me more thoroughly. You don’t let my stubbornness and pride get in the way of you helping me, or my fear of rejection for explaining my feelings. Even though I know you won’t reject me and my emotions, you still understand that it’s hard for me to discuss them sometimes, and that the fear is still there even if I don’t want to give it power. You see when I am struggling, and do everything you can to help me, to make my plight easier or go away. Whether it’s finding a solution to a problem, or simply holding me while I’ve cried uncontrollably because I’d bottled up too much for too long and just need to release it without necessarily discussing it while it’s bubbling up so intensely, you have always been there for me. If you didn’t support me, you would have kicked me while I was down and kept me down. Instead you have consistently been my rock, my anchor, my support system.
The way you go out of your way for me, daily. From getting up in the morning to make me coffee and breakfast because it’s so hard for me to wake up in the morning, to making sure that I’m given enough love and attention before asking if it’s okay to play games or visit friends, you prove day in and day out that my needs are put above your own, even when they don’t have to be. For that I try my best to not take for granted your love and care, not overuse your kindness and thoughtfulness. Sometimes I fall short of reciprocating in kind, but nonetheless, you are ever concerned that I’m the one that is okay. And if you’re ever feeling unappreciated because I’m being neglectful in someway, you make sure to tell me because sometimes I’m simply oblivious to my doing so, and you understand that it’s not a personal thing – it’s just a me being inconsiderate thing. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be trying to make sure all is well with me; that I’m happy; that my needs are all considered and addressed; that I need help with things because something is hindering me from dealing with it like an adult. Your concern for my well being, happiness, and growth has always been comforting and empowering. Your selflessness never ceases to humble me, and I am so thankful and privileged to be graced by it.
The way you are objective and real with me. You know I’m stubborn, you know I’m hard headed. Yet you still let me know when I’ve overstepped a boundary, or crossed a line somewhere. You let me know when I’m being unreasonable or irrational. You call me out on my bullshit, which is essential to my ability to learn and grow. You won’t sugar coat things that are serious. You let me know when I’m acting selfish and not being considerate of things. You won’t spare me my feelings if I’m wrong. You won’t let me do something that I will regret, and you won’t let me miss opportunities that I’m passing up. You keep me grounded and fair, and I can’t thank you enough for that. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t make such an effort to help me improve myself as a person and face myself when I am in the wrong. Few people will truly tell you how they feel or how they see you, especially with the intention to help you rather than hurt you.
The way you love me. Over the years we’ve learned each other’s love languages and have developed our system of letting each other know we love and we care. You know that I need words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch to hear love loud and clear, just as I know you prefer acts of service, receiving gifts, and quality time. We both make the effort to actively address our differing language of affection, and to understand how to more effectively attend to them, and find new ways to show our love for each other. Knowing what speaks my language and being aware of how to communicate love to me, and actively wanting to love me, speaks volumes to me. Without even using the words love, your actions prove it to me every day.
How well you know me. From my body to my mind, you know me better than just about anyone in this world. Sometimes you even know me a little better than I know myself, or at least better than I admit to myself. And because you know me, you can accept the way I am, and accept when something about myself is just not going to be changed. And you know me well enough to know when to act to help me better myself as a person. You know when to step in and help me, or when to let me be. You know that sometimes I need coaxing to talk about how I feel, and know how to ask me the right questions to help me get the words out. You know when I need or want to say something, and when I’m feeling down or upset. You’re attuned to my emotions and my moods, and sometimes catch me before I catch myself. You know how I can be when I’m being a brat, and when to sit me down and tell me I really need to stop acting a certain way. You know my habits, both good and bad, and help me to stop them when I’m being excessive with them. You listen to me with an open mind and open heart, and remember what I say, and let me repeat myself constantly over the years because you know I’ve forgotten we’ve had this conversation, that I’ve told this story; and you let me retell it because you want to hear my voice, even if you’ll still tell me at the end of it that I’ve told you before, even if you know that I get bugged that you let me repeat myself. And you know that I secretly love it. I hope you know unquestionably, that I love you with all my heart; every fiber of my being; to the end of the universe and back.
The way you remind me everyday. Finally, I know, without a doubt in my mind, that you love me with every fiber of your being, because you remind me every day, in every way you can. You remind me when you look me softly in the eye, and tell me passionately that you love me. You remind me when you come up behind me to wrap your arms around me and kiss my cheek, or nuzzle my neck happily. You remind me when you ask if I’m hurting anywhere, or if I’m feeling okay, or if I’m upset about something. You remind me when you ask how my day is, or ask if I’d like to spend time together watching a Disney movie, or gladly eat the vegetables I cook even though you hate vegetables the rest of the time. You remind me whenever I get the urge to go hiking or do something spur of the moment, and you go along with me. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t remind me every day in every way possible. Your actions speak louder even than your words, backing up the affirmation of your love. If there were ever a doubt in my mind, you would quell the anxiety before it could truly catch aflame; before you would even notice the concern in my mind. But perhaps that’s it, maybe you subliminally catch the microexpressions of my face – a twitch of the brow, a sternness in my face, a the glimmer of unease in my eye – and respond to it without thinking; as if it’s a reflex. And without saying your love is simply out of habit, the fact that your initial reaction is to provide love and comfort without thinking twice about it, shows how strongly you love me and know how to love me.
I hope that I can be as good a partner to you as you are to me; that I show you enough appreciation and provide you the appropriate amount of love and support that you need; and that I can always be what you need me to be for you – just as you are my rock, my foundation, my voice of reason, and my mirror.
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