By: Catherine Daleo

Being in a long-term, committed relationship is not easy. But in a way it’s also not hard, if you’re on the same page with your partner. Sometimes we just put too much thought into things, or think that we’re not doing enough to show the other person we care. We try so hard sometimes to please the ones we love, when in reality, it’s the little things and the thought that tends to count the most.

If you take a step back and take a good look at your relationship and your partner, you can really tell the difference between someone who truly cares about you and someone who is wasting your time. And nobody has the time to have their time wasted. Not anymore. We’ve got things to do and our lives to live. And the person we have by our side can help us make it or break it.  

When you don’t set such overly high expectations for each other, and when you focus on the positives of your relationship, you can really appreciate the person you’re with. And part of being in a partnership is taking it one day at a time, and finding a reason to choose that person every single day, even if you have a fight or get mad at one another sometimes, or go through a period where things are rough, busy, or you don’t have a lot of time to spend together.

Being in a relationship for over five years, me and my boyfriend have had our fair share of ups and downs, disagreements, arguments, and misunderstandings. But we always came out stronger afterwards. We learned each others moods, emotions, habits, and all the little quirks about each other that we may not even be aware about ourselves. And through it all, we’ve also learned how to look at and love the positive things about each other, and how to avoid pointing out the negatives, or using our faults against each other. We know it’s us going against the problem itself, not us going against each other.

We respect each other as equals, and each other’s opinions, emotions, and positions on things, even if we don’t agree. Through trial and error we’ve learned how to more effectively communicate, rather than getting defensive or deflective; rather than ignoring each other; rather than minimizing each other’s feelings. We let each other know when the other has crossed a line or upset us, and explain why it upsets us, and we accept responsibility when we’re wrong, and apologize when appropriate.

We build each other up, celebrate each other’s successes, and learn from each other’s failings. We grow together, and we work towards building our future together. We discuss what we want in life, what we expect from each other and what we want FOR each other, and we discuss how we plan to achieve our goals together.

We have discussed marriage and children and our commitment to each other, and know what the other wants in those respects. It’s no longer a question of if; it’s a matter of when, and how.

We’ve had people tell us we’re too young, that we don’t know what love is, that we haven’t met enough people in life to be able to “objectively” know what we want, that we won’t last, that people aren’t meant to stay with one person forever or be monogamous, or whatever else kind of argument that’s been thrown at us over the years.

My boyfriend was even given an ultimatum by his parents at one point. He was to either leave me because I was a “bad influence”, or chose to not associate with them anymore; all because I had told them I smoked weed when they offered to let us live with them. He got up and walked out, and hasn’t looked back. I was so shocked and moved by his action when I found out months after it had happened.

Despite all the negative comments and opinions about our love or our relationship, we’ve always held fast that we are more certain of that than anything and no one in this world will ever change that or say otherwise. .

How can I be so certain? How can I trust the strength and longevity of my person’s commitment to me? How can I know that he truly loves me, cares for me, and won’t hurt me down the road? How can I know that I love him? How can I choose him everyday of my life, even when times get rough?

I’d like to share the reasons why I love my person, how I know I love him, and why I choose him everyday, and how I remind myself that I have someone special, someone who is worth everything, worth my time, my energy, and my love, just as I am to him. And I hope that through my reasons, I can help give someone else reasons to choose the person they’re with everyday, reason to commit to them, through the good and bad, the easy and the hard times, no matter what, if they are showing you they care. So, in the direction of my love, my sunlight, my Mister…