Hearing “Sorry” Instead of “Congrats!” Because All My Kids Are the Same Gender
On the topic of having three boys, the biggest frustration I deal with is what I’ve noticed regarding families with children of all the same gender. And that is the fact that people constantly apologize to you for it instead of people just saying they’re so happy for you, especially with boys. It happens with moms of just girls too, but in those cases, it’s usually more so toward the dad not “getting his boy.”
In my situation, many of the apologies are aimed at me for being a boy mom, and it’s super frustrating because there’s nothing to apologize for. I have boys. Okay, and so what if they are all boys?
I’ve also noticed that people like to stick their noses in where it doesn’t belong in general regarding the gender of your kids and how many kids you have.
For example, my friend has a boy and a girl and got pregnant again, and people said to her: “But you already have one of each, so what’s the point of having another?”
“Another Boy?”
People think they’re harmlessly starting up a conversation when really it’s just fucking rude. I’m so tired of my family’s immediate response to finding out my third child is a boy being, “Another boy? Are you going to try for a girl again?”
Or even the people who just said, “Another kid?” while I was pregnant. My husband and I are very happy about having another child. Why would someone even ask me that?
We have three, which we agreed was our limit anyway. And people act like it’s too many because they’re all one gender or it’s like not enough just because they’re all one gender. I can’t tell you how often we’ve heard some variation of, “But then you won’t have your girl!”
It’s so annoying. I don’t need a girl. I’m totally okay with having boys. If I ended up with a little girl, I wouldn’t be upset. I’m not saying I don’t want a girl, but at the same time to sit here and have people push onto me the “I’m so sorry” or “Are you going to keep trying?” or “I guess you have to keep trying” comments is upsetting. I don’t have to do anything.
Don’t Apologize To Me (Or Anyone) For Having Kids of the Same Gender
This is a general frustration, as I’ve heard these same comments from doctors, with them apologizing to me about having another boy. There’s nothing wrong with me or anyone having three boys or having all your children the same gender. There’s nothing to apologize for or be upset about. And there’s nothing bad about it in any way, but people make it out to be bad whether they intend to or not.
If someone tells you they’re pregnant and the baby is the same gender as their other babies, don’t sit there and say, “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Don’t apologize to them about it. Be happy for them. You don’t know if that person is already disappointed about not having a child of a different gender, so mentioning it might just cause harm.
Gender disappointment is real; I experienced it a little myself initially since I intend this to be my last baby. I thought, “damn, I guess I’m really not going to get to raise a girl.” I finally came to terms with it and realized that that’s okay. But people then make comments about me “not getting a girl” and just point it out more and more. And if someone is still processing that disappointment, it doesn’t help to hear those comments repeatedly. If they’re still struggling with it, those comments can set them back or make them feel inadequate.
Just be happy for them!
It Shouldn’t Matter What Gender They Are Regardless
Even more reason not to be upset on behalf of parents for their children’s gender – a child’s gender is their own anyway!
It doesn’t matter what gender a child is assigned at birth; they’re going to decide for themselves as they grow and get older and understand themselves better, including how they wish to identify.
Let’s move past assigning gender norms to our children, especially before they’re even born!
Mind Your Business
Some people feel being around pregnant people or parents means they can butt into things or give unsolicited advice, opinions, and other comments about everything. Like people will ask me if they can offer me some advice, and I just say no. But being pregnant and having kids, everyone feels they have a right to share that opinion, and you have to listen to them about it. Worse, some even feel offended when you don’t want to hear their opinions.
I’m sick of hearing, “having three boys must suck,” or that I “have to keep trying for a girl.”
No. That’s not how this works.
Welcome to the World, Caspian!
Since writing this, Sarah Tipton brought baby Caspain into the world on December 6th, 2023!
Thank you to our Patreon ‘Cultivator’ supporters who help make content like this possible!
This article was supported by the following Patron(s): Crystal Gropp
